*Disclaimer: The views and perspective contained are those of a single individual and do not necessarily represent every individual and every facet of the topic being discussed.  Nor do the views, comments and opinions given here,  represent the opinions of oxy.com.

Article written by Sub Fag, exclusively for oxy-shop.com

What does it mean to be submissive?  An interesting question with an equally interesting answer, as varied and unique as the submissives themselves.  The key word is perspective and I recommend asking several different submissives for the best understanding. For the purpose of this blog, I will be sharing my perspective.  

What is it exactly being a submissive?  In short, it is about giving up control. For some, that control goes no further than the bedroom while for others, it can be expanded it to cover every aspect of  life, though most fall somewhere in the middle, giving  up control of some aspects while retaining control in others.

it is about giving up control

For those in which submission is sexual only, play may involve one or more individuals being dominant and one or more being submissive.  You will notice that I didn’t limit the numbers to one of each…but that is a posting for another time.  Much like you would expect, the Dom direct the play/action of those identified as the sub(s).  The extent of the domination is determined before hand. If a Dom ever wants to play without discussing limits, direction of the play, and usually a safe word or means of communicating, I suggest running for the hills. This communication is important because, whether it is for sexual play only or a lifestyle that extends outside of the bedroom, the sub needs to be able to tell the Dom when things are going well, approaching a limit or need to stop.

The second side of the coin is when submission extends beyond the bedroom. This is the submission that I am more familiar with and that is part of my life. For me, I have a high pressure job that requires me to be in charge of this and that and to make decisions constantly; decisions that affect a lot of people. At the end of the day, I want to give up control, want someone else to make the decisions, both sexually and in casual life.  I view being a submissive (sub) as recognizing someone else occupying a higher status and usually a more sexually aggressive position.  It should be noted that being a bottom does not mean being a submissive.  I have encountered some extremely dominant bottoms.  Just because you prefer to take it up the ass doesn’t necessarily mean you occupy the submissive role.  This is a perfect illustration of my point.  Submission and Domination are less sexual position and more attitude and overall behavior.

being a bottom does not mean being a submissive

Submission in the bedroom is pretty easy to picture but what about outside the bedroom. What is it I do that makes me submissive?  I tend defer in words and actions, to those that demonstrate either a subtle of more overt demonstration of dominance.  I pick it up in words sometimes but more often in body language. A dominant individual is going to let you know he/she is dominant both directly and indirectly. I encourage those exploring this lifestyle to take some time to observe people.  I think you will see what I am talking about.  You will see it in the body language. You will start to pick out the Dons and the subs.   

Submission can manifest itself in a variety of ways depending on the Dom and sub.  I can share a few example from my experiences. As a gay man, my tendency towards submission extends to what I refer to as Alpha Men.  These Alpha Men represent masculinity, strength, power and sexual prowess and while I am masculine, the masculinity of an Alpha overshadows me.  

One way I submit is by the use of chastity.  For those that are unfamiliar with this practice, chastity means that my dick is locked up.  Yep, that’s right…I have voluntarily allowed another man to control my penis.  The cage I wear prevents me from masturbating, most sexual activity as a top and even simple things often taken for granted like being able to take a piss while standing.  All of these things, I associate with being a Man and when they are removed, a part of the masculinity associated with them is denied to me. Man, I love it.  Chastity also give me the chance to demonstrate my submissiveness to certain people.  Having to explain to potential hookups or sexual partners why I can’t perform certain acts, helps to reinforce the feeling of submissiveness.  Or, showering in the locker room and having other notice the chastity cage can reinforce that feeling…perhaps even more so because it is unlikely that I will be explaining the cage to the man that notices it as he casually glances about the locker room.

I have interacted with Doms that preferred to decide what clothing I would wear, what food I would order at a restaurant and even granting permission to use the bathroom.  This is why it is important to discuss things with a potential Dom and set up the guidelines.   If you enter into submission and service, please be careful to stay away from the phrase “I don’t have any limits.”  Just because you haven’t thought of something, doesn’t mean a Dom hasn’t either. There are some very creative Doms out there and you don’t want to find yourself in a situation you might regret. 

stay away from the phrase “I don’t have any limits.”

Another example of submission that I am familiar with is journaling. I created a Tumblr.  That tumblr follows my journey of submission.  It includes real-life anecdotes about things I do, first time trying something and photos and video of myself being submissive, usually sexual.  I actually encourage this with both subs and Doms.  It doesn’t have to be on a public site like Tumblr.  It can be just for you and your Dom/sub.  But I am betting you will learn a lot about yourself and to be quite honest, those things can get hotter than you realize. 

As you can probably guess, we have just scratched the surface here.  There is so much about this lifestyle, I could write a post a day about something related to being a sub.  I hope I have shared enough to peak your interest.  I have always felt there to be a little kink in each of us, just needing permission to come out and play.  Why not give your kink the chance to peak its head out. You might be pleasantly surprised by what comes after. 

 

—   Sub Fagg


3 Responses

jdawg
jdawg

October 14, 2018

very nice you are so lucky nice write up

Billie
Billie

October 12, 2018

I continue to hanker after being submissive in and out of the bedroom. I look for a dominant mistress but find they tend to shy away when I mention my desire for total submission.

Chuck D
Chuck D

October 11, 2018

Great primer on submission, you and I have a lot in common when it comes to submission (gay, caged for 3 years, owned, also on tumblr). However, and this goes to the administrators of this site as well: please proof read. Blatant, inexcusable typos and grammatical errors greatly reduce the legitimacy of both the site and the author.

Leave a comment

Subscribe