01-05-2023 - Written by Jett Oxy - Follow on medium
When it comes to naming roles in the BDSM community, there are so many hybrid combinations you might hear of. But nothing will prepare you for someone referring to themselves as an 'alpha sub'.
This is one of the controversial terms in the community. This article will explain what people refer to as an 'alpha sub' and why it is controversial.
1. SOCIAL HIERARCHY
The term âAlpha subâ has a long history in the leather community in situations where there is a hierarchy. In a household where there's a Master living with his slaves. There is always an Alpha slave among other slaves. All the slaves definitely submit to the Master but the Alpha has some authority over the other slaves in the household. Some people also use the term 'alpha sub' to describe the one with the most power in a polyamorous relationship.
2. PACKS AND PRIMALS
This idea of 'alpha sub' also extends to the family of pups, wolves and primals. For example, it is in the nature of a Rottweiler to be a dominant dog. However, unlike popular opinion, this breed is not vicious. Despite their domineering nature, they know exactly where they stand with their owners and everyone else they know and are happy to accept their position.
Those involved in pet playin BDSM often incorporate this aspect of animal instinct into their dynamics. Alphas are usually dominant members of a pack.
Read our primal play in BDSM here
3. THE TYPE-A ALPHA
Now to the most recent usage of âAlpha subâ, and the one that causes the most contention in the BDSM community. The term has also risen in parallel with the term âAlpha femaleâ (or, more generally, an âAlpha personalityâ).
In this usage, the term âAlpha subâ is used to indicate a woman who is submissive in her primary BDSM relationship role, but is frequently assumed by others to be a âdominantâ person. Usually the kind of women the general population canât imagine bowing down to anyone, male or female. Assertive, opinionated, directive, competitive, independent, not a doormat, etc etc.
ReginaFera13 on Reddit explains further what an alpha sub is;
"...Iâve always seen it to mean a submissive who is an alpha/dominant personality type in day to day life but is submissive only to their Dom. Iâve also seen it used in a type of harem situation where the alpha submissive has authority over the other submissives to basically keep the group in line so there is less work for the Dom. Kinda like an eldest child that helps to manage the younger onesâŚ"
Now that we have seen facts about a BDSM alpha sub, let us now see why a lot of people aren't comfortable with the term;
The problem that many people have with this usage is that it assumes that the term insinuates that people who donât identify as âAlphaâ are needy. But thatâs not always the case. Non-alphas are not usually weak, dependent and unassertive. Submission is not in any way a weakness, so this is not a game of opposites.
1. BE PATIENT
Sometimes, an alpha sub may appear guarded or stand-offish. Rather than attacking them for it, befriend them and develop trust that way instead. Once trust is established, submission may happen more naturally.
2. KEEP COMMUNICATION OPEN
A BDSM alpha sub may struggle with their submission sometimes. Allowing them to express themselves and share their feelings with you may go a long way in helping them get into their subspace.
3. SET BOUNDARIES
Even if alpha subs have a little more energy than others, don't allow your role to be disrespected. It's okay to compromise some rules but make clear behaviors that you will not accept such as infidelity and substance abuse. It shows you know how to be in control.
4. EMBRACE THEIR INDIVIDUALITY
Just like anybody else, alpha subs are still humans with their personal wants, needs, fears, likes and characteristics. Accept and treat them that way.
â IS AN ALPHA SUB A CLOSETED DOMINANT?
An alpha is not a closeted dominant. They may switch roles sometimes, if they want to buy this does not mean they want to be a dom. They want to be protected and taken care of like every other submissive.
â CAN A MAN BE AN ALPHA SUB?
A submissive can either be male or female. However, one of the controversies surrounding the idea is that the term is mostly used to describe female subs.
As a BDSM alpha sub, do not let anyone bully you into thinking that you are not a real submissive because you have strong convictions, ideals, and expectations. However, if you want to label yourself an âAlpha subâ, do be aware that other submissives are going to see that as divisive, and possibly insulting and be prepared to defend what you stand for. Good luck!
Article Written by Jett Oxy for oxy-shop.com.
Jett is the owner of Oxy-shop.com, a BDSM insider, a sex educator and writer.
"I always try to explore the confines of the BDSM world and bring valuable insights for new comers joining our adventure"
Phd in related field, father and business owner, Jett Oxy brings you stories and advices for educational and entertainment purposes.