Teasing and denial, as well as enforced orgasm control and male chastity, are a very popular kinks. So what’s the draw? Why do so many men (and women) crave playing with Tease and Denial?

 In my experience as a professional dominatrix, as well as in my personal life with my boyfriend slave, I’ve learned a lot about this particular kink and thought I’d share my experience with you, my dear reader.

Like most fetishes and kinks, understanding the hows and whys of it all is very important for enjoyable play. Very few kinks can be just taken at face value. They all have a depth and breadth to them that beg exploration and understanding. I hope this post will become a good reference and place to start for your tease and denial play! 

My personal kink for rope is a prime example. Tied or be tied? Nylon or hemp? Thin, bitey, sadistic rope or soft silk? What do you want to get from it? Sex? Helplessness? Meditation, or to come to terms with some deep psychological need? I could go on all day! 

The bottom line is knowledge in any type of sexual play is all empowering! 

Some possible “whys”. 

The following are just a few of the many reasons people find chastity and teasing and denial thrilling.

Control – Many men freely admit that it is the pursuit of sex with a woman that thrills them most. It really is a primal thing. Once they’ve made their conquest, their interest wanes. Now imagine that, like a carrot on a stick, you hold that conquest just out of reach for a very, very long time. And even after you allow him to catch it once and a while, you make it clear it was you who allowed him the carrot and it might be a long time before you allow him another one. You are in essence, renewing and prolonging his primal need for conquest over and over again, thereby keeping his interest in you (and desire for you) alive.

An anonymous hot story my live-in servant/slave shared with me points out that in this aroused state, men become essentially entranced and hypnotized. You can essentially brain-wash him. Really. Tell him to think about your body all day long. Tell him to imagine worshiping your pussy or feet or ass and to think up new ways to serve you.

You don’t have to always give him orders. As any dominant female will tell you, it can get tiresome thinking up new games all the time.

In this lusty, helpless state of mind, he becomes most agreeable and ready to volunteer the ideas himself! Simply tell him that you’d like to be impressed and ask him what he can do to satisfy you. From his own free will, he will commit himself to more suffering, denial, servitude, and demonstrations of love than you might have ever asked of him. Of course, once he comes back to his senses after you’ve returned him to his cock cage, he may regret the promises he made and the new standards you are now going to hold him too. But for me at least, a slave’s voluntary participation in his submission is infinitely more meaningful and heartfelt than simply obeying your orders.

Psychological chastity– 

The “honor system” or simply tell them “hands off” works for some for a while but not for others. Especially if they lack self-control, devotion to you, or dedication to the task. Edging falls into this category as well. Edging is permitting him to stroke all he wants, or you stroking him all you want, but never allowing him over the ‘edge’ into orgasm! 

Another amazing form of psychological chastity is through the use of hypnosis. You can record your hypnosis routine and insist he listen to it as he falls asleep each night to reinforce your training. Once he is in a trance, tell him whenever he feels close to orgasm, he will feel his hand being pulled away from his cock and that he cannot achieve orgasm without hearing you saying a certain word permitting it… 

(Before you write me long rants about this one, understand that hypnosis is neither a unwilling or permanent thing. If he simply stops listening to your tape, over time the hypnotic suggestion fades and he will be able to orgasm normally again.)