01-13-2023 - Written by Jett Oxy - Follow on medium 


BDSM LIMITS: LEARN WHAT’S HARD AND SOFT

One of the first terms you may come across as a BDSM newbie is ‘BDSM limits’; either hard limits or soft limits. In fact, as a beginner in BDSM, this is one of the first things you should determine and talk about with your partner. 


You may also hear some people call themselves a ‘no limit sub’ or doms requesting for a ‘sub without limits’.


Are BDSM limits meant for just subs? Can a dom have limits? Is it okay for a sub or dom to say they have no limits? What do hard limits and soft limits mean? How can you set and respect limits? What do you do when your limits are not respected? Have all of these questions been on your mind since you knew about BDSM limits? Read this article to get all your questions answered. 


Hard limit bdsm


WHAT ARE LIMITS IN BDSM?


Limits in BDSM refer to the activities either a sub or dom is unwilling to partake in for a variety of reasons. Discussing activities you would not do is as important as discussing all the fun and kinky stuff you would do with your partner. This is usually divided into two; activities a person will never be willing to partake in, and activities a person might consider upon discovering more about themselves but are not willing to try at the moment. Wikipedia. 


TYPES OF BDSM LIMITS


BDSM limits do not carry the same level of convictions. There are majorly two types of limits; hard limits and soft limits:


Hard and soft BDSM Limits


Hard limits are the BDSM activities that a person would definitely not do for a number of reasons; ranging from it causing a triggering reaction to freaking them out or they just hate it. 


A hard limits list includes:


  • Choking
  • Anal sex
  • Electro play
  • Fisting
  • Needles
  • Suspension bondage
  • Whipping
  • Fire play
  • Use of blood/urine/feces


Soft limits, on the other hand are the BDSM activities you are not comfortable with at the time but might be more open to it later as you discover yourself. Soft limits come with a ‘flexible no’ and may change as either party chooses to push slowly. 


Examples of soft limits include;


  • Oral sex
  • Swallowing semen
  • Nipple clamps
  • Spanking
  • Flogging
  • Being blindfolded
  • Butt plugs
  • Gagging
  • Wax play 
  • Bondage with tape

Take a moment to check some examples of some people's soft limits and hard limits list on quora.


There are also ‘requirement limits’. Although important, they are not talked about often. They are activities each party requires of the other before, during and after play. For example, the sub requesting her hair to be pulled, asking for aftercare, e.t.c.


There is also another type of BDSM limit known as ‘temporary limits’. They are set when you go into a play space that is not yours or you are not familiar with. These limits are valid for only the time you play in the temporary play space. They could be as simple as no blindfolds in the play space, or no penetration while in the temporary play space. 



WHY SHOULD YOU HAVE LIMITS IN BDSM?


Limits in BDSM are necessary to prevent injuries, discomfort and triggers. They ensure that subs explore their sensuality freely and are rest assured that their doms would not do what they do not want or hurt them physically or mentally. 


It is also important to set limits in BDSM so doms do not have to guess their subs limits, and probably guess wrong eventually. This way, both parties are able to enjoy each other fully and freely. 


BDSM Limits & BDSM abuse


HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR BDSM LIMITS


Especially for beginners who are new to kink activities, figuring out your BDSM limits might not be as easy. You still have to set them anyway. Check out a few tips that can help you discover your BDSM limits:


  • Think of things you know you would never do. These are activities that have an adverse effect on you emotionally, psychologically, and physically. For example, activities that disgust you, stretch your physical capabilities or trigger a mental breakdown. 
  • If it is a casual play partner, consider if there are limitations to the activities you want to engage in with them and if you would like to reserve some activities for your long-term romantic partner. 
  • Do your research. Check out the different kink activities people engage in.
  • Attend dungeon parties so you can learn how other BDSM partners act in their play space.
  • Speak to a professional in the kinky lifestyle that you can trust.
  • Fantasize about engaging in the different kink activities you have discovered.
  • You may also try some of these activities in your solo play to see how they feel. For example; self-bondage. 
  • Using a checklist also helps you to discover, properly articulate your limits and communicate them with your partner. 

N.B. You need to be wary of people who try to help you ‘explore’ or ‘learn’ your limits without taking enough time to know you. That can be a red flag. Well-meaning and experienced kinky individuals take their time to know a newbie and can now help you explore after plenty of communication. 


You can create your BDSM limits here. 


WHAT TO DO IF YOUR LIMITS ARE NOT RESPECTED?


In situations where limits are crossed unintentionally or the limit that is crossed is minor, the erring party could be issued a serious warning not to do it again. 

However, if such a situation occurs again or major breaches of boundaries occur, you should terminate the relationship.


Also, ensure that you discuss the consequences of breaching boundaries before you get involved.


FAQS


CAN A DOM HAVE BDSM LIMITS?

Everyone has limits. A dom can and should also have limits. They could have kink activities they are not interested in. In fact, they could have a moral or ethical opinion that will not allow them to explore some level of kinky activities. Moreover, any party who says they do not have any limit is inexperienced.


CONCLUSION


Having learnt everything about limits, sometimes, one may cross a person’s limits unintentionally. This is why it is important to discuss limits before engaging in any activity so you know the activities you should not pursue during play. Limits are for the benefit of everyone involved. Do not forget to stay safe and always remember that BDSM activities must be safe, sane and consensual. Have fun!


Article Written by Jett Oxy for oxy-shop.com. 

Jett is the owner of Oxy-shop.com, a BDSM insider, a sex educator and writer. 

"I always try to explore the confines of the BDSM world and bring valuable insights for new comers joining our adventure" 

Phd in related field, father and business owner, Jett Oxy brings you stories and advices  for educational and entertainment purposes. 


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