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Male Submissive & Female Domme relationship rules

05-02-2020 - Written by Jett Oxy - Follow on medium 


You have established your relationship or your sexual life to be within a power exchange of a D/S relationship. 


But what is a domme role in essence? How to behave in a submissive lifestyle and how to agree on basic rules? What are the benefits of female dominance in relationships and what are the rules to apply? How to be a good submissive husband. 


For some people, BDSM is often associated to bondage, cuffs, or candle wax - portrayed by 50 shades of Grey movies. Yet, the lifestyle is way broader and comes to more of a psychological level of interaction. Usually we tend to see the stereotype of submissive women who are dominated by a male master, but the alternative roles are more and more present in our society: female dominating male. 


If you are confused on how to properly set up your dominant submissive dynamic or just want to establish some ground rules, oxy is here for you. We will cover the traits and roles of each, how to be a female dom, how to be a good sub and the top rules to follow.


WHAT IS A SUBMISSIVE - DOMINANT RELATIONSHIP?


BDSM stands for and includes Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), and Sadism and Masochism / Sadomasochism (SM) (Wikipedia) . In its simple form, a dom/sub relationship is an interaction of two people when one is the dominant (Sadist) and the other one the submissive to his partner (Masochist). 


Two distinct roles, that do not only converge around sex or fatasies but also apply to all aspect of life. A submissive life is following the Dom in his leadership, protection and care - in exchange, he will be obedient, worship and please the Mistress. 

There are basic rules for a sub to follow and also dominant rules to put in place. It is a specific relationship dynamic which can only work on agreed upon terms and conditions - sometimes even in a form of a BDSM contract. 


Overall, it should be enough to have a simple conversation with your partner to set up dom sub rules - by both making sure to not disrespect each other's limits.

Also we can say that those rules applying to submissive men and dommes can be changed over time depending on how your interaction evolves. You can even become a switch and exchange roles in the power dynamic. 


Not every sub/dom relationship is the same, but we can say that this is a very established dynamic, with open minded people living their life to the fullest. If there is the same interest in BDSM, it is possible to make it happen.


WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENT D/S TYPES OF RELATIONSHIP?


It is important to highlight that not every BDSM relationship must be physical. In sense that the act of worshipping can be done psychologically, online or over the phone. After reading several male submissive stories, it is safe to say that many have a blooming liaison without even seeing their partner. 


People involved in a D/S relationship can be involved with another romantically - One not following the BDSM dynamic. This can be a married couple allowing the submissive man to live his desires with a dominant woman, a polyamorous situation or an open relationship. 


One other type of D/s relationship is Total Power Exchange (TPE), or master/slave. It means that those people have decided to live the lifestyle on a full time basis. The all liaison is built on the roles of submissive male to a dominant woman, which influences their everyday life interactions. 


There are other people who just practice their respecitive roles during sexuela intercourse or during a BDSM scene. On the contrary to SM, a dominant and submissive relationship is not based on physical sensations but more about the power. Sex life can also rely on power, thus bringing a middle groud for both needs and satisfaction. 


What are the benefits of a Submissive to Dominant relationship? 


You might think that most male submissives were forced to become at the mercy of a dominant woman - you are wrong. It is a lifestyle choice which in fact, has advantages for health, well being, self fulfillment and happiness. 


Dr Sandar LaMogrese (pro dom, sexpert) says that BDSM helps couples to feel more at ease and create a stronger bond. “During BDSM sessions, clients often experience a release of dopamine and serotonin, the brain’s feel-good neurotransmitters. These two chemicals are associated with feelings of happiness, tranquility, joy, self-confidence, emotional well-being, and motivation. In addition, the release of the chemical vasopressin compels people toward feeling bonded to one another.“


On our Oxy BDSM blog, We wrote an article about cuckolding, a fabulous piece which highlights a healthy couple dynamic by setting up some “alternative” ways of living their marriage. 


If you are still unsure and hesitant of the wonder that can bring a d/s relationship, here are few benefits to consider:

  • Better and open communication

  • Increase intimacy

  • Push to fidelity

  • Better mental health

  • Less psychological stress & anxiety

Sexually, there is often the same pattern present in a vanilla relationship, a BDSM couple breaks the monotony - Thus improving mental health. Usually there is better intimacy and fidelity as those relationships are founded on willingness to comply and trust. 


Besides pleasure, BDSM benefits our physical and mental health on different levels. Now we are clear on the type of interaction we are talking about in this article, we can move on to roles each actor should be playing within this lifestyle.


THE DOMME MEANING - TRAITS OF A DOMINANT


A Domme is a non professional female dominant. A Dominatrix or Pro-domme is a professional female dominant. Urban dictionary definition.


Main traits of a domme are as follow: 

  • Takes control and demands obedience

  • Expects to be pleased and worshipped

  • Is responsible and takes care of submissives

  • Prioritize their own desires


SUBMISSIVE MEANING - TRAITS OF A SUBMISSIVE


A submissive is inclined or ready to submit or yield to the authority of another, unresistingly or humbly obdeient dictionary.com 


A sub loves to please his dom in any ways possible - and we are not talking on a sexual level. Often submissive are under chastity, wearing a cock cage, thus forgetting their manhood and focusing to please in any other ways. 


Main traits of male or female submissive are as follow:

  • Please their partner needs and wants

  • Expects to be pleased and worshipped

  • Their partner desires are above everything else


TOP 10 DOMINANT / SUBMISSIVE RULES FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP


For both parties to be happy within this special kind of relationship, it is important to communicate and put in place some ground rules. No set rules apply to everyone! This list of rules for subs and doms out there is just basic ideas. Once setting rules for your sub or your dom, it is good to agree on everything beforehands.


     1. BE OPEN MINDED


In any relationship you might engage, you have to understand the other person might not think, behave or be like you - need to be open minded about the perspectives and values of your partner. 


It is particularly important for d/s relationships as one person is in control - yet it does not mean this person can’t learn something from the sub. It is a mutual understanding and comprehension of the benefits that this type of relationship is bringing. 


In BDSM you might engage in things you have never done before. Will it be okay to try with this person? Will I like it? Be open minded and find out!


     2. EMPATHY IS KEY


This is dominant submissive grooming - Even though the sub loves to be under control, it does mean that they don’t see a human side. The submissive wants a domme to be harsh and punitive as a dominant, yet he also knows a softer side is inside - one which has mercy and gives lighter punishments. 


 Never force someone to do something they do not want, show empathy and understandability when situations arise.


     3. TRUST EACH OTHERS


A relationship is both ways, you should show you can be trusted by not crossing lines or not respecting the set of rules agreed upon. A sub is expected to be a servant, and the domme is expected to act as a worthy leader. 


Especially when BDSM involves physical play, it is important to know and trust your partner well before engaging in such activities. The line between BDSM and abuse can sometimes be crossed, it is when there is a lack of trust.


     4. LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS


Not everyone can adapt to all your desires and fantasies - The partner might be willing to play at a different level. Like in any relationship, we can’t force the other to do what they don’t want.


If you are a Domme, you need to deserve your status and role, thus you can’t embarrass a submissive unwillingly. 


If you are a submissive, you can’t expect the domme to be always grateful for how a good boy you are. You are a submissive in a dynamic relationship, not a slave forced to slavery.


     5. BE HONEST IN YOUR COMMUNICATION


First you need to access all information from both parties to see if you are compatible to live such a lifestyle. It includes boundaries, health concerns, sexual needs, and your level of experience for you to find a middle ground. 


If you have a domme role and desire to push the limits a bit further, you need to communicate before with the sub and ask his approval. 


No communication = No healthy and stable relationship = No happiness


     6. AGREE ON A SAFE WORD


As it can get a bit borderline to dangerous in a BDSM interaction, it is good to stop when needed. A safe word is for a sub to use when they have had enough and when limits are reached. 


A safe word must be quite unique, something you won’t use in a normal conversation. This will be the sign that things must calm down. You can also use a word to say that the sub is okay, but to continue more gently.


     7. HEALTH & WELLBEING


For this d/s relationship to work , both parties need to be mentally and physically healthy. Do not engage in BDSM with anger, stress, under the influence of drugs or alcohol. 


If the Domme or the Sub are low and need to rest, let them be - restart your power exchange dynamic when things get better. Respect each other's comfort zone and think about each other's well-being before thinking about any sexual gratification. This an individualist approach not welcome in a relationship.


     8. HAVE FUN


The point of all of this, is to enjoy and have fun on a whole new level. Respect each other and you should reach your self fulfillment goals. 


A d/s relationship is basically a relationship upgrade, so it should stay this way by fitting each party's requirements.


     9. BE PATIENT


Living the lifestyle to his optimum takes time - you must go step by step. It applies to teh Domme and to submissive. Be gentle, communicate and see how it goes by not rushing your way. 


As a Domme, groom the submissive to create a comfortable atmosphere for him to bloom. Have faith your partner will adapt to your fantasies with time and you will both enjoy it.


     10. FOLLOW THE RULES


Fulfil the rules you have established at the beginning of your relationship. Don;t come complaining if one of the parties went overboard id it was allowed in the set rules. 


You need to get something out of this relationship, by trusting each other to follow what everyone wants. If there is something to change, rules can be bended by strong and open communication. 


Hope you enjoyed this article, feel free to comment! Another article will follow with Submissive rules ideas you can implement.

Article Written by Jett Oxy for oxy-shop.com. 

Jett is the owner of Oxy-shop.com, a BDSM insider, a sex educator and writer. 

"I always try to explore the confines of the BDSM world and bring valuable insights for new comers joining our adventure" 

Phd in related field, father and business owner, Jett Oxy brings you stories and advices  for educational and entertainment purposes. 


Follow on medium - Follow on twitter 


2 Responses

Alison
Alison

May 04, 2020

🎀🎀 I am a 65yr old sub my Mistress is My Wife who is also my owner & I am her sissy boy Cuck
With a Tinky Winkle, which is caged 24/7 in a pink sissy cage
I am my Mistress’s cum bucket & cleaner it is my job to clean both parties with my tongue cock & or pussy’s . I am allowed to self masturbate once a week for six minutes , I have to be available to go between my Mistress’s legs whenever she requires as well as completing my daily household tasks
My Mistress is ten years younger than me , she says the day is fast approaching when I will be taken to be fully castrated
I love my Mistress her wishes are my commands 🎀💖💖

John
John

May 04, 2020

I’m 49 year older trans women sissy and like female dom and black master and older 49 year olde sissy I only like black men and black daddy and black thug and white domestic an dom Female femdom eat asspussy and pounding with strap on black dildo opening my biopussy knock off lesbain educator dom women who extreme Dominating my boy pussy my ass pussy and lock my throat up and screaming and screaming and beat me and put me in a cage

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