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We are proud to welcome back our series called "Mistress Interview" where we'll try to get to know Mistresses and their life & BDSM stories. You can read or enjoy listening to seductive voices of Dominatrix women from Fetish & Kink industry. Join us for an adventure and let's find out what they have to say!
Mistress Marley - mistress interview
Mistress Marley is an educator, activist, event curator, and entrepreneur based in NYC. Her work empowering women and educating the masses has managed to propel her to different heights within the industry. She is a vessel of creativity and boldness and is constantly working on creating safe spaces for black people.
Website:https://www.thechocolatedomme.com/
Twitter: @eyesxonfire
1. Tell us a bit about yourself.
* Click and listen to Mistress Marley response *
Mistress Marley says:
Hi, everyone. I'm Mistress Marley. I am a pro-financial dominatrix living in Brooklyn, New York. I'm also the co-founder of Whipz Dungeon here in Brooklyn, New York. I am a kink educator. I am a lingerie boutique owner online. And I also throw play parties for black and Afro-Latina people. I'm just all around the biggest things that I like to do deal with kink, making people comfortable, helping people experience their sensuality, and also getting paid to be financially dominant over others. That's a little bit about me. So much more to tell, but you'll find out in this interview.
2. How did you get into fetish, being a Dominatrix?
* Click and listen to Mistress Marley response *
Mistress Marley says:
Fetish and kink is something in my life that definitely wasn't planned. I knew I've always been sexually explorative, sexually in tune with myself, but I was never someone that was too into fetish in kink or really knew much about it. When I moved to New York for grad school, I took on a job as a hostess at a swingers club. And there's an older lady that worked there, she was telling me stories, while we were working about how she used to be a dominatrix back in the day, and there were all these cool things she was telling me and all these things she learned. And it just seemed like a really, really interesting industry field and a part of life to enter into. My knowledge of BDSM had been like 50 shades of Gray, like a lot of people's knowledge, unfortunately.
But the more I did my research and the more I came across certain things, that's when I stumbled across financial domination. Once I looked up financial domination, on Twitter and different websites, I thought: there's no way that anyone likes to be financially dominated. So I jumped into the financial domination where I became a success. And throughout my journey doing that, I was able to extend my research to other kinks. I was able to really learn the meaning of BDSM and what different relationships and dynamics and scenes look like and what consent and safety look like within this industry. And I thought it was just a truly dynamic place where I could just meet so many different people. And here I am now, three and a half years later, and, you know, I'm still enjoying myself.
3. What does it take to make it in a tough industry like the adult business? What are the important lessons you’ve learned so far?
* Click and listen to her response *
Mistress Marley says:
I think what it takes to make it an adult industry, especially an industry like this that's tough, is really having tough skin, really not taking a lot of things personal, knowing that you will be dealing with different types of characters and clients and people that might not have your best interests at heart, just really keeping yourself protected. But also what's really important is having community. Community is everything in this industry being able to either talk to people that look like you interact with you are interested in the things you're interested in. Learning alongside with you is really, really important because this is the industry where you don't really want to feel alone.
You want to have that community. For me, my first priority when I enter was building community. That's why I started small groups here and there and engagement groups where I could talk with people and other people that want it to be Domme's. So it was very, very important to build that community. And the lessons that I've learned so far is, to be intentional in your work and to be authentic in your work. This isn't an industry where you just kind of jump into it because you see everyone else doing it or you think it's cool or you think it's fast money. You really have to be focused and you really have to know that sex work is work.
4. What is it that makes you different from the others?
* Click and listen to Mistress Marley response *
Mistress Marley says:
I think what really makes me different from other people in this industry is my willingness and intent to really want to teach and educate others, especially black women, that I come into this industry wanting to be dommes. Women in general that want to be dommes. But I really focus on black women because me coming into this industry as a black woman was very hard. I felt like I didn't have anyone. I felt like I was alone. I feel like it was hard to learn. So really, like teaching people about the industry, beyond the esthetics. We're just teaching everything from consent, safety, building community, staying safe, knowing who you are on this journey, knowing that you can do this journey and that you're not alone. I think that's what makes me different. And I'm always trying to bring new ideas and events to the industry that might not have been done like I do Goddess Brunches, which is pretty much brunches where women come that one of them are how to be Dommes and they dominate real subs while they at brunch and maybe they've never done it before in their life, but they get to try it out and see if it's for them. So just, you know, putting together things like that.
5. What are your goals and ambitions?
* Click and listen to Mistress Marley response *
Mistress Marley says:
My goals and ambitions, especially for 2023, is to take my Goddess Brunches to many, many cities. So I'm mostly used to doing it in New York and D.C. I've done one in Atlanta. I just want to travel more domestically and have them. I plan to do stuff in Miami and Los Angeles and Houston, different places of that nature. Also to open dungeons in different areas. There's plenty of times where I've traveled before and there's a lack of dungeons out there. I feel like there's a lack of spaces in certain areas, so just really wanting to build more so I can bring more to my community.
6. Tell us more about the “Mistress Academy”, your shop pynkmatrixx.com?
* Click and listen to Mistress Marley response *
Mistress Marley says:
The Mistress Academy is academy started for those that can't learn from me in person, but they want to learn online. It's pretty much two hour video courses that I sell through Etsy. These courses range from doing your first online sessions, starting out in Femdom Safety in Session, how to start a business in the sex work industry. Just so many different topics that you can have at your fingertips at all moments.
And then also I have pynkmatrixx which is my lingerie line. My original background is in fashion design, marketing and management. I wanted to get back to that but still do something that's close to my heart. So PinkMatrixx, our mission is that we're for sex workers. By sex workers. Every sale that I get, I donate to a sex worker, charity or fund. And it's just really a fun line. The sizes range from XS to five XL. I really wanted to make it very inclusive.
7. How did the process of opening Dungeon go for you? Is it easier to be your own boss instead of “working” for another Dungeon?
* Click and listen to Mistress Marley response *
Mistress Marley says:
The process of opening a dungeon was definitely something that wasn't easy. But thankfully, I had my business partner with me, got us through who was able to, really help me with our different visions. We were able to help each other out. It took a lot of blood, sweat and tears, literally. I mean, we built everything from the ground up. We decorate it and did all those things, coming into this as new business owners to event spaces or dungeons was very new, but it wasn't something that I knew would defeat me. It's something that I knew I had to get done for myself and my community, also it's very much so better working for yourself than other dungeons. Just because you have more freedom to your schedule, you have more freedom to what clients you're going to bring in. And it's just like you just feel more comfortable in a space that is yours and that you own it. So I would definitely say that is easier.
8. What is your favorite fetish and sex toy? What kind od punishments do you use?
* Click and listen to Mistress Marley response *
Mistress Marley says:
My favorite fetish is definitely public humiliation. I've definitely gone viral of a couple of videos of public humiliation. It's just something about that vulnerability that I love to share with a sub. I'm also into foot worship, face sitting. I love impact play I love using my floggers, I love doing double paddle spanking. I'm also very much into feminization. I love dressing my subs up like girls, making them into little sissy sluts, as I like to call them. My favorite toys to use: I love, love, love, butt plugs, especially butt plugs that have crystals or jewels on the end of them. I think those look so good, especially on my sissy sluts. And when it comes to punishments, my best punishment I love to do is ignore. For some reason, some people might not see it as a punishment. Some people might say, Oh, well, subsequent to that, my subs can not stand it. They literally beg for my attention. So I love to ignore my subs when they're not doing what I think they need to do.
9. Did you or do you have Mistresses that inspired you?
* Click and listen to Mistress Marley response *
Mistress Marley says:
The mistresses & dommes that inspired me are definitely Madame Caramel. I'm very inspired by her. She is a very famous mistress or dominatrix, over in London. She runs the FemDom Ball every year. And it's just a beautiful experience. I was able to attend last month, actually, and it was just so beautiful the way it was put together. I'm also inspired by Mistress Unknown. She's a dom that travels very well. She's super well-traveled. She gives great advice on how to travel, and she just is very much so into the community. And just that person that I feel like I can look up to talk to if I need anything, collaborate with it and things of that nature. So those are definitely two Dommes that I look up to.
10. How can client reach out to you and what can a client expect when they first meet you?
* Click and listen to Mistress Marley response *
Mistress Marley says:
Clients are always directed to reach out to me through my website servicesand also to email me. I don't do bookings or sessions through DMS. I am really strict about my protocol. How about how I want subs to reach out because how they approach you is how pretty much how your relationship will go. When clients first meet me, they can definitely expect a lot of strict rules. They can expect that I'm expecting the best out of them and that they're really in the presence of a supreme mistress. And they must know that, of course. And they can also expect just to have a wonderful, sensually sadistic experience.
11. What does a D/s relationship look like to you?
* Click and listen to Mistress Marley response *
Mistress Marley says:
D big letter, s small letter relationship to me. Pretty much looks like someone that respects my boundaries. Someone who I respect their boundaries. Definitely a sub that knows like what it takes to worship me and I sub that I trying to have asset or just do what they have to do to get by or think they're pleasing me.
But someone who's really intentional in serving, not just someone that's there to fulfill something because they're horny. I'm someone who really looks at serving me as one of their life missions and someone that just wants to make my life better and someone that knows that they can be vulnerable with me. And trust me, I think that's the most important thing in D/s relationships.
12. If you were not doing this, what other career would you like to have?
* Click and listen to Mistress Marley response *
Mistress Marley says:
If I were not a dominatrix, I think I would just be a travel agent. I love to travel so much and read up on things about travel, and I also like to plan a lot so I could see myself helping people plan or like host their traveling events. I know it's kind of like left field, but I would definitely want to be a travel agent. I just love all things that come with travel.
13. What do you like to do in spare time?
* Click and listen to Mistress Marley response *
Mistress Marley says:
In my spare time. I definitely love to eat. I'm a big foodie, so especially living here in New York, there are so many different restaurants. I try to try at least one new restaurant a week. I love to take pictures of my food. I like to do all that foodie-type stuff. I also am really into film and plays, so I love going to the movies and whether it's an old film, a new film, whether it's something I'm watching here on Netflix, I love to really dissect different films. So that's pretty much what I like to do in my spare time. And of course, I love to travel. Every opportunity that I have to travel, I take it.
14. Anything else you would like to mention?
* Click and listen to Mistress Marley response *
Mistress Marley says:
If you're listening to this interview. Thank you for listening. Come follow me on Twitter. If you are interested in coming to any of my play parties, you can message me on Twitter or you can hit me up at mistressmarley@protonmail.com, I'm an open book. I'm here to answer any questions you may have if you're new to the industry. I know how it feels to be new. Please come to me. Let's talk it out. Let's see where you end up landing. Let's see what you know. Any concerns you might have, any nervousness you might have. You can pretty much come talk to me about that.
This has been an amazing interview. Thank you Oxy-shop.
Oxy-shop would like to thank Mistress Marley for taking her time to answer questions. It was a pleasure to have you on our Mistress Interview. Hope to work with you again in the future!