BDSM Story "Being Sissy Vs Being Gay" written for Oxy-Shop - Oxy-shop

Being Sissy Vs Being Gay


Hello Sissies!

 

I am sure you would have all gone through these emotions and thoughts at some point in life. I know it is very frustrating and confusing and results in identity issues for many of us. As mentioned in the subject, it is complicated to assess what being sissy means. A sissy is in conflict most of the time, not sure what he/she wants against what his/her Master/Mistress wants. 

 

I might be completely wrong, but for most sissies, the journey starts with innocent crossdressing in secrecy, mostly out of curiosity. I have still never understood why I ever started doing it.  I have still never realized why I ever started doing it, but I may share it some other day. So when I began cross-dressing, it had no sexual intent or reason. It would all be for checking out how I would look if I were dressed. It did turn me on by just looking at myself in the mirror or imagining how I looked. But it was very innocent and harmless at that time, but not innocent anymore. 

 

All through my adolescence and adult life, I was never attracted to men. I would always think about sex with a woman and always felt comfortable as a man in my fantasies. But there was this dark side, which I noticed had started to emerge, where I would crossdress and masturbate. I would imagine myself as a girl, but my tormentor or my partner was always still an illusion, with nonspecific gender or just someone strong who would be able to control me. It was still harmless and innocent, I guess! And it was not a man that I was attracted to. 

 

In my college, I never had a girlfriend, but I never had a boyfriend too. But there was a small incident which, in retrospect, seems very interesting. One of my best friends got into a relationship with a girl, I was disturbed, and we had a fight. I could say I was heartbroken, but I am not sure. I even had a discussion on choosing between a girl and me sort of thing, but never did I think I was attracted to him sexually. In all honesty, though, it was a weird conversation when I think about it for the intensity it had. I also eventually fell in love with a girl, but it never worked out. 

 

I was then introduced to female domination and found that very exciting and humiliating at the same time, I never felt uncomfortable at the thought of being a sub to a strong female. I felt at home at the thought of being at the feet of a girl. I would not even expect sex, just being able to please a girl in any way excited me. I realised my true nature of being submissive and how being a sissy was linked. I realised that it was not a girl. It was Mistress that I craved. Her order, Her pleasure, Her joy, and being able to serve Her was my only purpose. But Alas! It was not the end of the process, I was learning more and more. But I was sure I was still not attracted to a man. 

 

I was starting to become more and more feminine, I was getting dressed fully as a girl. I was learning that if I dressed as a girl, I should act like one. If I act like one, I should have desires like one! That was when it started to get muddled. It was getting more complicated. I had begun to wonder what and how about my sexual orientation and desires. At this point I started to think about being a more dedicated sissy and having more uses for myself, not that I felt comfortable with the idea of being used by a MAN. I did start thinking like a girl. Does that make me gay? I don't know.

 

Initially, I started to have sex chat with guys, I used a couple of sites and apps like Kik to pretend myself as a girl. I would talk to numerous guys like I was a girl. It was interesting, and it was funny and definitely sexy. I did masturbate and had a very fulfilling chat where I was able to pretend I was a girl. It was liberating to see how easy it was in the virtual world to be a girl. It also made me realise that if I were pretending to be a girl, I would only get guys to chat with, and I had started to perfect my art of being a flirty little girl on the net. It took me a while to pretend and act like a girl in the chat, but I did it anyway. I was learning to appreciate the MAN, the cock, and being on my knees as I got more and more involved.

 

But having a chat in the virtual world and trying it in real life are two different things, isn’t it? So the next thing I did was to order a dildo for myself. Naughty girl! I wanted to find out how it felt actually to give a blowjob. Will it turn me on?

 

So when I inserted the big fat dildo in my mouth, the only thing that I felt was disgust. I was not turned on, but I kept trying until I was comfortable. I took it a little bit further, I registered on Chaturbate as my sissy self and started to go online; that is when I realised how many men would be interested in fucking me and having me please them. It turned me on. I watched them cum to my performance, and it was hot! I was hot! I could not imagine myself being desirable to guys. It was a revelation to me. However, I was not mostly turned on by the appearance of any guy but primarily by the size of their penis and how they treated me. I have still never been able to use the dildo in my ass and could not even fantasise about it.

 

I did try to meet guys in real life, but it did not materialise for some reason. I wanted to give it a try. Recently, when I see a guy bigger and taller than me, I imagine myself as a girl next to him, I think about how I would look next to him. Will he like me as the guys did on the video chat? Will I be able to please him?  Is that gay? I still don’t know. Is that as innocent and harmless as before? I don’t know.

 

One thing is sure. I am still not attracted to a man in my regular life and would like to have a girl next to me even if she dominates me, but when I am dressed as a girl, I prefer to have a guy next to me who could still dominate me. I would end up on my knees in both situations anyway, right? Gosh! I shared and wrote so much but did not give you an answer, did I? Well, I am assuming we sissies are wired differently than most! Let me know what your thoughts are, and share your journey with me.

 

Bye.

Writers bio: I am a closet Sissy who goes by name Alisha. I used to maintain a blog, which I have now taken down. When I saw that you are looking for content to post on your website, I felt I can contribute. Also just so you know I own two chastity devices and I am locked in one of them 24/7 for my wife. It has been extremely difficult but I now only dress for and in front of my wife only.


I hope you like what I wrote, expressing my confusion. I am sure many sissies would be feeling the same. If you are fine I can share some of the short stories that I wrote too.